Hello Internets!

Hi internets people! I am now 2 years old!

It was my birthday at the weekend and I am now coming down from my sugar high, and I tell you what, I see the world with a whole new set of eyes. I feel grown up. I can now count and am getting better at conversing with my idiot parents. They seem to relish talking to me and engaging me in picture books. Yes, I know its a shell. That is another shell. That is a cow. That is another cow... that is a mummy cow. And so on. I think my folks have an animal fetish. Her and Dad are constantly making animal noises at me and demanding I tell them what they are. Okay, maybe it isn't a fetish and maybe they are generally confused. After all we live in Boston and I haven't seen a cow up close since I lived in Europe.

So yes, I had a great birthday, I got loads of toys and clothes. I got to miss my nap and stay up late and feed my face with fistfuls of cake. Everyone had a great time and my folks were exhausted.

I am sorry I haven't updated much. My Mum won't let me use the laptop, and she won't buy me one of my own. I'm not even allowed a real phone, they gave me this plastic thing that has LITTLE TYKES written on the side of it. I KNOW IT ISN'T REAL PARENTS. How the heck am I supposed to keep up with my social calendar? Not at all on that pile of crap. But I don't want to seem ungrateful, so I like to humor them and pretend to call Nana on it. This kills two birds with one stone... makes the 'rents happy that I am using their crappy toys and also makes them think I am touching in with Nana, who I think misses me since we moved. I'm only allowed to watch Peppa Pig on the laptop and that is with parent supervision. Anyone would think it was a grown up movie! Adult supervision. Honestly. I don't even like Peppa Pig anymore, I saw a few episodes and soon got over it, but keep up the facade as I know it is my only chance to get near the effin' computer. Mayby my Mum will zone out and I could check my hotmail or facebook... but noooooooooooooooooo.

Speaking of laptops, I was thwarted in my tracks from an important scientific experience today when my Mum caught me pouring water on her laptop. I don't see what the big deal was though... it wasn't her actual laptop, just her work one! I was trying to be considerate... but now, I got told off.

I go to daycare now. It s alright I guess. Zhining who looks after me during the day is nice. She gets me. I get to do loads of playing, hang out with some other kids, coloring, you name it. She also gives me Chinese food every day for lunch. Not takeaway, although would be sweet... but actual Chinese food, because she is Chinese. Dumplings, rice, noodles. You name it. Sweet. Better than that crap my parents feed me. It isn't my fault they give me stuff on days I don't want to eat it... but now they gave up trying and I think I might actually turn into a fish stick at this rate. Take the hint parents. Sheesh. Where was I? Oh yeah, pretty sweet deal at Zhining's house! I'm the only girl and I can get away with whatever I want I think. And, I'm learning Chinese! For a grown up, Zhining is pretty cool and I am learning her language much quicker than my parents could learn mine. I figured it was the least I could do. Unfortunately I tried to pass on the knowledge to my parents and they can only grasp HELLO, GOODBYE and HEAD. Loosers.

Anyway, I have to go to bed, I was playing hooky today because I have a cough and a cold and I should technically be resting and not barking up green stuff when I try and I go to sleezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

Hello world! It is me, Adelaide! I haven't updated in a while because my mum won't let me use the laptop. Apparently the screen isn't supposed to bend that way, and it doesn't need or want my 'grubby finger prints' on it.

Anyway, I have been pretty busy running rings around my parents, and stealing mum's cereal bars when she tries to have her breakfast. She apparently had some kind of ulcer but I think she on the mend now. I know this because yesterday we both had a cupcake that she had made the night before. It was delicious but much tastier once I'd got some floor carpet in it.

My mum and dad aren't very bright. I keep having to remind them where their noses and eyes are. At first I thought they were testing me, like I was some kind of performing monkey, but no, I genuinely think they are just not that bright. I don't know how I am going to explain to them what a chin is, because dad is going to be very confused because I don't think he has one. I think he just has a beard, and thats it joining his head and shoulders together.

Things I say

My mum and dad are trying to teach me to talk. I can talk, but just because I don't speak English like them, they think I am stupid. It is almost offensive, I mean really. Just because you don't understand what I am saying, doesn't mean I don't know what you are talking about. I am right here in front of you, you know. I am not deaf. I hear and see everything. And yes parents, I mean everything. EVERYTHING. I don't know what all that shuffling is in the middle of the night, but I tell you what, if I think it's something suspicious I shall shout and tell you to shut up.


It isn't my fault you two can't understand my accent. What am I supposed sound like, considering I have an American dad and an English mum? The Osborne kids?

When I try and and get out of the highchair or off my slide I stand up. They tell me SIT! SIT! SIT,! so sarcastically I say it back to them. YES I AM LISTENING. I just don't want to sit. If I sat, I couldn't get out could I? I have legs so I am going to use them. Well I am so sick of it now, I've actually taken to saying SHIT,! because I am so frustrated that my legs get stuck in the straps.

Of course, my idiot parents think I am actually still saying SIT. Bless them. They are so innocent.

Blueberries

What do you mean I have a little something on my face?

Blueberries are my absolute favourite things. I would eat them every day if I could. But apparently my poo isn't nice when I do. No offence mother, but when is poo nice? Why do you think I wriggle and squirm every time you change my nappy? That shit stinks! If you were any better at changing my diaper I wouldn't have to wriggle out of it and help you out. Don't you see that I am trying to HELP you? You'd be there all day if it wasn't for me. If you'd let me get away from the nappy as fast as I'd like, then you could wrap it up double quick, and then you could wipe the poo off of my bottom whilst I was standing up. I'm only running away because I want to get AWAY from the carpet and onto the tile in the kitchen or bathroom. I figured you could catch the bits of poo falling off of me as I go. See? That is helpful. And don't bother with that potty talk. I won't listen to idle threats either.

Hello!

Hello! My name is Adelaide. I am 1 year, 2 months and 6 days old. I think that now I am older, I should start a blog like my mum. Because frankly, if she can do it, well I think I can. My days are much more exciting than hers anyway.

I am so big now, I can climb up onto the sofa. I get told off and plonked back on the floor if I do with Mummy watching, so I wait until she has her back turned and then I do it. I just realised that from the sofa there are a lots of things I can get at! A phone! A real one, not like the stupid one my Nana gave me. Honestly. I KNOW its not real. I haven't gotten a single text message since I got it.

During the day, I am kept prisoner in the front room, however, I have been planning my escape for weeks, and now I am finally strong enough! I am now able to climb up and over the armchair. Unfortunately, my recent attempts have been thwarted by my Mother or Nana!

BUT ONE DAY I will get out and I will be allowed to get into the vegetable basket and cat food as I please. What else can I put into everyones shoes?

Well, I had better go because my Mum thinks I am tired. But I am not! I am not tired I tell you. I don't know why people think that I am tiredzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz